After a summer of running around like a crazy woman and not blogging (oops) I feel like now is the time to sit down and produce some verbal vomit because I'm leaving in 9 days! All of my paperwork is in, I've received my flight information, I know the hangeul alphabet, and my TESOL certification is one activity away from being finished. All I'm doing now is biding my time, seeing my friends, and mentally packing. And freaking out. Realistically, I know that I will end up having an enriching, fulfilling experience. I wouldn't have been picked for this if I was utterly incompetent, but taking the TESOL course is making the reality of my future job hit home and it's just nerve-wracking. Seriously, what if I mess up an entire school's education? What if they end up hating me and whisper horrible things about me in Korean while I'm flailing around the classroom pretending to know what I'm doing. Of course, whenever I mention this to my friends and family they're all "You'll be fine" (with rising intonation on fine, which phonetically emphasizes their emotions and hints that that's the end of the communication. Guess which unit of TESOL I did today.) But that's probably the least helpful thing to say! Saying "You'll be fine" is like when you're crying and you can't stop and someone just goes "suck it up". Saying "You'll be fine" translates to "I'm pushing your anxiety-riddled-concerns under the rug because I feel like your emotions are invalid and I don't have to go through what you are so I'm not going to take the time to put myself in your shoes because you'll probably come back in one piece in a year and you'll still be alive so whatever." So yeah. I might be a little anxious right now.
I really want to be more excited, but I feel like I can't be because everyone around me is acting like I have some sort of terminal disease. My efforts to hang out with my friends One Last Time always dissolves into "this is the last time we'll be doing [insert here] together" and "promise me we'll stay in touch while you're gone. I'd hate to lose you!" Just because I'm going to be an ocean away doesn't mean I'm going to be an ocean away. Well, maybe that's not the best example, but I'm going to be living in a high-tech civilization with wacky technology like internet and phones I can use to access internet. In case of emergency, I can even resort to this wild thing called letter writing, which was used in ancient civilizations to physically put pen to paper to communicate. It's wild stuff.
The point of all of this, I suppose, is that I'm nervous and I really just want to know what I'm getting myself into, but I have no way of knowing what I'm getting myself into until I get there. I'm nervous without knowing what to be nervous about. I just want to 1) be a good teacher 2) have a relaxed, friendly home stay family 3) to have my packing magically finished 4) to take a chill pill. Maybe in reverse order though.
Anxiously,
Haley
I really want to be more excited, but I feel like I can't be because everyone around me is acting like I have some sort of terminal disease. My efforts to hang out with my friends One Last Time always dissolves into "this is the last time we'll be doing [insert here] together" and "promise me we'll stay in touch while you're gone. I'd hate to lose you!" Just because I'm going to be an ocean away doesn't mean I'm going to be an ocean away. Well, maybe that's not the best example, but I'm going to be living in a high-tech civilization with wacky technology like internet and phones I can use to access internet. In case of emergency, I can even resort to this wild thing called letter writing, which was used in ancient civilizations to physically put pen to paper to communicate. It's wild stuff.
The point of all of this, I suppose, is that I'm nervous and I really just want to know what I'm getting myself into, but I have no way of knowing what I'm getting myself into until I get there. I'm nervous without knowing what to be nervous about. I just want to 1) be a good teacher 2) have a relaxed, friendly home stay family 3) to have my packing magically finished 4) to take a chill pill. Maybe in reverse order though.
Anxiously,
Haley